About My Silence

You know, all of those things you experienced before made you the present you. For me, it’s seemed that I’m waiting for a thing, which is big enough to cover all the things I experienced before. So that, I can become a new man.

The motivation for writing this article

Recently, I received more and more feedbacks indicate my words is too little.

Actually, I really want to make a change.

What caused the status quo

I have a terriable history, it made me the present me and affects my behaviors always.

Of crouse, everyone have bad past. You defeat it, then you’ll became a new one. I think I havent’ made it.

What actions I had did

I tried to do things I was afraid. I tried to make me like a boss, I tried to be an asshole, I tried to chase things I like no matter what it takes. The most crazy thing is I ever tried to love someone, the most unfamiliar thing to me.

The result is, a more silent me.

What’s my thought & thinking

I thougth, to forget bad memory or to not affect by it subconsciously, I need try to do things I was afraid. Or, I should to make others to afraid me. Those things I did worked for a time. But afterall, I am not that person. Except more bad memories, I didn’t gather more help to live.

Bad experience always make you recall existed bad memories. That will hurts you more.

Surely, I’ll keep on fighting with life, but in a more scientific way.

My present thinking is, I need to do more right or meaningful little things. So that I can keep away from hurts and gather more positive feedbacks, and that is the believes for us to keep on living.


May I have a good future. You too.